One is Too Many, Three Dozen is Never Enough

A question was recently posed to the food allergy community on Facebook and it got me thinking. Well, it got me into an argument with myself. The question went something like… “For those bringing food-allergy-friendly treats to your child’s classroom this Halloween, what are you bringing and/or baking?”

((Sigh))

I baked and brought peanut-free, egg-free chocolate cupcakes to my son’s Halloween Potluck Party at school (note picture).

The party is over now. I’m still queasy. I’m still regretful. I suspect I did something wrong and humiliating, but total recall eludes me. Oh I recognize this! This is hate-myself-in-the-morning mode. This is a hangover.

In order to fully explain the dissonance torturing my mind now, I have to back up a little and explain how I got here.

After a long series of “conversations” with my son’s new school early this school year—read: before we would let him set foot in the classroom—we negotiated the following with regard to school celebrations:

•    Total number of food events minimized to just a handful per year. Down from at least one per month!
•    No food used in lessons or as incentive/reward.
•    All food events held outside of the classroom.
•    Birthday food banished. If parents bring b-day food, it is redirected back to the front office where it is handed out at the end of the day to consenting *parents* as they are leaving.

These are large changes for this school. Our new principal and teacher seem to be open to change, motivated to accomplish it, and capable of digesting negative feedback with a minimum of defensiveness. Obviously not all school personnel share these positive characteristics, however, our principal and teacher seem to, as demonstrated by the speedy resolutions of the few hiccups we’ve encountered so far. I am grateful.

Unfortunately, in my gratitude to finally be working with a school motivated to and capable of working with me (this is our third school in three years), I let my guard down.  I forgot who and what I was dealing with. 

You see our country’s schools suffer from a celebration addiction. Like an addict, they are well aware of the dangers of their habit, yet they continue to binge. They know full well that soliciting non-essential food onto campus puts an ever-increasing number of their students at serious risk.  Yet, the parties are still added to the calendar.

Like an addict, they are capable of making a commitment to moderation or even abstinence one day, then breaking it the next. I have never once had a school flat refuse to sign our IHCP/504. In the end they usually come around (albeit kicking and screaming). I have, however, had a hell of a time getting any of them to actually honor it consistently and without resentment.

Like an addict, when confronted with their addiction, schools tend to respond first with denial, then by minimizing the problem, then with grudging promises to sober up, then a few falls off the wagon, followed by full blown belligerent defiance. “I will if I want to and you can’t stop me.”

Anyone who knows anything about addiction knows you cannot have just one drink with a drunk. You cannot teach moderation by example; not to an addict.  Any consumption in their presence is approval.

I am passionate in my belief that the best solution to keep all food-allergic children (not just my own) safe and included at school is to celebrate without food. Yet, there I was a few days ago baking, decorating, and dispensing cupcakes like a good little enabler. You see, I have a few questionable habits of my own and I’ve noticed that I share these with many other food allergy parents.

Habit #1. I feel obliged to overcompensate wildly for the accommodations my food-allergic child is given at school.

I have been so grateful to our new school for working with us to the extent that they have, that I let that gratitude cloud my judgment into violating my own principles. This year’s Halloween party came up, (I knew it would because prior to enrollment I ask for and received a list of all food celebrations to be held this year) and I figured the least I could do was give a little, just this once, as the school has given SO much to us in the way of accommodation. I felt obliged to make up for the fact that I am a wet-blanket-demanding-critical-food-allergy-mom.

Oh, just bullshit!

You cannot simultaneously damn the parade and lead the marching band.

Well, you can try, but if you do you leave yourself with no credibility. When that Halloween potluck sign-up sheet went up on my son’s classroom door I should have stuck to my principles and brought non-food goodie bags or mini-books to share, then sat myself down and watched how the staff managed the situation.

Instead…I baked for everyone. Instead, I went into super-mom-helper mode. There I was holding my eight month old baby in one arm and dispensing apple juice to a line of (mostly disinterested) second and third graders with the other. All the while watching my son out of one eye to ensure he wasn’t spilled on or suckered into trying “just one” little bite of death from someone else’s plate.

I did these things while five teachers chatted it up around a buffet table sampling the offerings and paying no attention to the allergy issues/kids. Why the lack of attention? Plain and simple, and horribly obvious: because food allergy mom was there to pick up the slack. I, my husband, and one other mom (whose child is allergic to peanuts) were there providing not only food, but the necessary supervision around the allergy issues that comes with the food.

I minimized the seriousness of the food allergies by BRINGING NON-ESSENTIAL FOOD onto campus. Then, I relieved the teachers of their responsibility to deal with the inevitable consequence (RISK) of bringing non-essential food onto campus. After all my work negotiating a safer, more inclusive environment at school…I let the school off the hook.

This is craziness!

It makes no sense to advocate for safety then contribute to risk. I definitely have an obligation to support our school by giving of my time and effort. However, I have no obligation to approve, support, or facilitate any school event that might end in my child leaving in an ambulance. No food allergy parent does. If that makes me a “wet blanket” so be it.

Habit #2.  If I don’t watch myself, I can allow my desperate desire to see my son “included” to become so overwhelming that it compels me to risk his future safety and the safety of other food-allergy kids.

What happens at the next potluck, if I’m not there or fail to notice as some unwitting teacher or  parent-helper cross contaminates a serving spoon or an eating surface and my child (or someone else’s) is exposed to their allergen? The truth is, it does not matter whether you bring one “safe” cupcake for your child or dozens for everyone. What is safe for one child is not necessarily safe for another. Food is messy. Accidents and oversights happen. We, as food allergy parents know these facts better than anyone. Don’t we?

The way I chose to be involved in this school celebration was a mistake and I see many other food allergy parents making this mistake all the time. In our desire to see our children “included,” we are contributing to a general climate of risk at school. My involvement in this food event was, at best, tacit approval of its legitimacy and necessity. Neither of which exist. Schools do not need to celebrate any holiday at all and they certainly don’t need to do it with food. I bake for all and get the quick and pleasurable “fix” of seeing my child safe and included just as all the others are. For a change. But this fix comes at a high price that might prove deadly in the future.

You cannot simultaneously damn the parade and lead the marching band.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Food allergy community, we have a problem. It is our responsibility to lead by example and ensure ALL food-allergy kids are safe and included (not just our own). That can only happen by insisting on food-free celebrations. The holidays are coming. We all know what that means. Please join me over the next two months in advocating for food-free celebrations at school. The life you safe could be your child’s. Or mine.

Original publication date 11-2011 by Food Allergy Warrior on Blogger.com.

Your Cupcake is Oppressing Me

I have a few things to say to the parents of non-food allergy kids.

Not the parents with a whit of empathy and a modicum of ability to set their egos aside for half a second and appreciate the implications of sending a food allergic child to school. Not you. I love and appreciate you, kind friends and generous strangers.

I'm talking about YOU. The other ones. The ones that Tracey Bailey had to frog-march her six year old daughter past on the way to her 1st-grade classroom as you protested the accommodations put in place by the school to keep her daughter ALIVE. Accommodations like hand washing (oh the horror, fewer colds and flu!) and eliminating specific allergens from the classroom (but my snot-nosed, sticky-handed brat won't eat anything besides X, Y, or Z!).

Yeah, you. You and all the parents like you. You flat-earther, nay-saying, willfully ignorant hypocrites. I have some things to say to you.

I don't bring e-coli or hand guns to your kid's classroom, perhaps you could show my family the same sort of consideration?
Are you SO nit-witted and self-centered that you really can't understand what LIFE THREATENING means. Let me put a fine point it. Food allergy parents are not asking you to avoid bringing non-essential food, or in some cases a specific food, into the classroom because of a voluntary dietary, religious, or moral choice. They are NOT referring to a food sensitivity (my kid becomes a shit after too many cookies) or a food intolerance (my kid gets the shits after too many cookies).

Food allergy parents are telling you that bringing cake frosting, ranch dressing, peanuts, tree nuts, or some other specific food into the classroom (either intentionally or accidentally) could kill or maim their child. Dying of anaphylaxis is painful and terrifying, and it will be no consolation to me whatsoever if YOUR kid is traumatized forever by watching my child swell up, turn blue, and suffocate to death.

There is no "right" to peanut butter, Goldfish® crackers, cupcakes, ranch dressing, fish sticks, or any other specific food.
This "right" that you're sniveling about losing does not exist. Particularly at school. Once you leave your house in the morning the welfare of the public and your social contract to respect that welfare kicks into gear. Your kid is not entitled to [insert specific food here] when it interferes with my child's actual, legitimate right to LIFE. Your kid is entitled to a "free and appropriate public education" in the "least restrictive environment" possible. So is mine. Despite his disability, my child is entitled to the exact same education that his school provides to your kid. This means, and yes it really does, that my child's right to STAY ALIVE and not BE MADE A PARIAH at school trumps your kid's "right" to a cupcake. Deal with it.

No STUDENT is entitled to a birthday party at school.
No one produces a child and sends them to school to provide you with a convenient captive audience for your kid's birthday. Get over yourself. Shell out for a real party. On your own time. At some place other than school. Like your home or Chuck E. Cheese® or an amusement park or anywhere else. Believe me, your "guests" would appreciate the opportunity to opt their child out of your poor judgment and lack of consideration.

Here's a newsflash for you, sitting on your ass passing out treats in your kid's classroom does not count as "parental involvement." It just makes you an embarrassment and an annoyance to conscientious, hard-working, education-focused parents everywhere who take time out of their work day or away from their small children at home to provide much needed (and actual) help and oversight in our nation's classrooms. Pick up a pair of scissors, a marker, a book--anything related to EDUCATION--and do something worthwhile with it.

To borrow a phrase from an online acquaintance, if you're a "Foodie mom with a Betty Crocker® complex," get a grip on yourself! You are behaving like an expulsive twit every time you kamikaze your kid's classroom with your latest creation. Write a cookbook, start a catering business, get some therapy. Whatever. Just channel your neurosis and narcissism someplace else.

Save your bullshit about how no one had food allergies when you were a kid.
Well now they do. To the tune of about 1:13 children in the United States. That's roughly 8%. Let's put that in perspective, shall we? About 4.8% of Americans are Asian, about 16% are Hispanic, and about 12% are African American.¹ For those of you too slow to pass a statistics class in college, I will help you interpret these numbers. This means that in a typical school you're likely to have at least one, maybe two, and possibly three allergy kids in each classroom. We have so many children with food allergies in our country that the demographic has begun to more closely resemble a race than it does a medical condition.

Food allergy families may be a minority, but we are a BIG minority.
Until now we have been mostly polite in demeanor and reasonable in our requests. That will change.  How long do you think we are going to sit back and let your ersatz "right" to a cupcake, a peanut butter sandwich, or parties in the classroom put our children at risk?  It's only a matter of time before we become a BIG, SCARY, RESOURCE-SUCKING minority that demands very expensive school nurses or health technicians follow each of our children around to ensure their safety at school. I can think of better things to spend our education dollars on, can't you?

Lastly, I am officially sick of hearing the word "tolerance" thrown around.
We are all so very mindful to avoid disparaging others in regard to individual differences in intelligence, ethnic identity, sexual identity, sexual preference, parenting style, hair style, shoe size, (and on, and on...). After all, it really isn't polite to tread on anyone's precious self-esteem. Imagine the scars! So, how about after you're done congratulating yourself on your liberal-mindedness or your ability to "love your neighbor" you also consider what a priceless opportunity you're being presented with to teach your child about tolerance, empathy, and the non-toxic consequence of engaging in a tiny shred of shared sacrifice for the good of another when you are asked to accommodate a food allergic child at school?  It won't kill you, or your kid, and it might even save my child's life.

1. http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/00000.html.

Original publication date 10-2011 by Food Allergy Warrior on Blogger.com.

10 Things Schools Should Do

1. Identify key personnel. Identify your school and/or district 504 Coordinator(s). Ensure staff members refer inquiring parents to the correct employee in a timely manner. Parents are becoming increasingly educated about their children’s rights. “I don’t know what a 504 is,” and “I don’t think food allergies qualify” will not cut it anymore.
2. Schedule April meetings (or earlier). Schedule 504/IHCP meetings well in advance of the new school year. Give parents ample time to draft their supporting documents, gather physician input, and obtain physician signatures. Staff members should be thoroughly familiar with a student’s supporting documents before school starts. Encourage parents to provide:

• Drafts of Individual Health Care Plan (IHCP or IHP), 504 Plan, or both when necessary. 
• Emergency Action Plan (EAP).
• Self-Carry Authorization signed by physician. Reacquaint yourself with your state’s self-carry laws if necessary.

3. Support self-carrying. How long can you hold your breath? No really, try it. During anaphylaxis every second counts. Encourage parents to have their child self-carry their epinephrine auto-injector and support parents who already choose to do so. No child should ever have to watch someone running away from them when they need help. Be aware that at least two doses should be carried at all times. A second dose may be needed if the reaction is very severe and the first dose given is inadequate, or if the auto-injector is faulty.
4. Never expect a student to self-diagnose or self-treat anaphylaxis. Do not rely on the student to identify anaphylaxis or self-administer medication. No matter what their age or self-carry status. They may or may not be able to even “ask” for help. Here is how a child might describe symptoms. Know who your allergy kids are and pay attention, particularly during and after eating/handling food. Plan, prepare, and train staff to identify and treat anaphylaxis.
5. Drill, baby, drill. Use emergency drills to increase preparedness. Ensure staff members are familiar with each food-allergic student’s supporting documents. Details are crucial; proper procedure is vital. There should be a high level of automaticity in your emergency management and that can be achieved only through dedicated practice. Drill.
6. Schedule snack and lunch breaks after recess. Although anaphylaxis may occur at the first bite of an allergen, or even several hours after, reactions generally begin within 5 to 60 minutes of an exposure. Exercise may provoke or worsen anaphylaxis. In the event of a reaction, better the student be in or near a classroom than out on the far end of the playground or ball field.
7. Food-free celebrations, please! Implement a policy of healthy, child-centric, food-free celebrations at school. No exceptions. School is about learning, not eating. A food-free celebration policy helps your school live up to it’s obligation to minimize as much risk as possible, maximize inclusion for all, and promote positive lifestyle choices that reduce health risks and improve learning. A food-free celebration policy will dovetail nicely into your school’s Wellness Policy.
8. Remember cafeterias? Provide a non-classroom eating area and see to it that all eating is done there. Reserve classrooms as safe, learning-only space. Amply staff eating areas with staff members trained to identify and treat anaphylaxis. Ensure that eating areas are well ventilated, have running water, and are stocked with cleaning agents known to remove food protein from surfaces, e.g., Formula 409®, Lysol® Sanitizing Wipes, and Target brand® cleaner with bleach.
9. Classroom and cafeteria hygiene. Have qualified custodial staff (not students) clean with detergents known to remove food proteins. Clean all eating areas, classrooms, labs, libraries, bathrooms, water fountains, and playground equipment thoroughly at regular intervals. Keep in mind that classrooms used as eating areas will need daily cleaning. That's a lot of work, isn’t it? Re-think using classrooms as eating areas.
10. Personal hygiene. Encourage students to wash hands after eating/handling food and before taking their seats in the classroom. Hint: This will go over much more smoothly if the emphasis is placed on disease prevention, not food allergies. Discussions regarding time “wasted” during hand-washing should thoroughly review lost productivity due to the spread of cold and flu viruses at school. As noted by the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network, liquid soap, bar soap, and sanitizing wipes effectively clean hands of potential allergens, but antibacterial sprays and gels do not. Obviously, never use cleaning agents meant for surfaces on students.
11. Get formal. Yes, we have now gone beyond the promised 10 items. This last suggestion however is really a culmination of items 1-10. Develop and implement a formal, comprehensive, written policy for the management of food allergies and anaphylaxis at school. Please be aware that this list is certainly not exhaustive of issues relevant to managing food allergies at school, simply a place to start. Other important considerations include, but are not limited to: How Your School Will Deal with Bullying and Educating Students about Food Allergies. Hint: These two are related.

Original publication date 10-2011 by Food Allergy Warrior on Blogger.com.